Oh heart, how you break for these families. Oh thoughts how you are plagued by their pain. Oh sadness how you overwhelm me.
Matthew and Madonna Badger continue to occupy my thoughts. I have resigned myself to the idea that I have turned this blog (which nobody reads) into a journal of sorts. Make no mistake, I am not sitting here in Upstate New York dwelling in depression, obsessing to the neglect of my life. But during my days I occasionally stop and think of Matthew and Madonna, their families and friends, the girls, all their little friends (how very sad and scary for other little children) and all they are enduring. I read the supportive thoughts of others and once in a while, when everyone is asleep in my house, I put my thoughts into words because it is cathartic. At night when I close my eyes, I think of my day. I think of my troubles and struggles and then I remember. I remember none of it really matters, none of it is that bad. I think of the Badgers. Sometimes it is just for a moment or two and sometimes my tears put me to sleep.
I have children. I am human. I empathize. I have erred in judgment before and been lucky that stars aligned and things worked out. Close calls - we all have them. As a compassionate person I hurt for these people whom fate has had other plans for. Because on any given day any one of us could be faced with a tragedy. The realization that we have very little control over anything that happens is the scariest part of this life.
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Matthew and Madonna,
Thrust into notoriety not for your life's accomplishments but for an unspeakable tragedy. Praised as courageous warriors with uncommon strength for your perseverance beneath the weight of such agony. Called heroes. Labeled inspiring, uplifting, selfless as you comfort others in your time of sorrow. Unwittingly you have become poster people teaching lessons in appreciating what we have and fire prevention. Examples of how quickly "it all can change." You are the faces of incomprehensible sadness yet unwavering hope and love. Your children (and Madonna) your parents, have taken residence in the hearts of thousands around the world. Their images etched in our thoughts - angels we all will look for if we are lucky enough to enter the gates of Heaven one day. This is all true and so very sad.
I'm sure you wish the world did not know your names. That you did not have to find the strength to carry on with so much heartache. That you were still just normal people, just mom and dad, just renowned in your professional lives. Just going about life - day to day - enjoying the devilish ways of three mischievous little girls instead of holding onto the memory of their angelic faces.
No words to offer comfort. Tune out the negative and carry on brave, broken warriors. Get a little stronger every day. One day the memories will bring joy and not just pain I hope. I will support you Matthew in the establishment of your foundation, please keep us posted. I hold the artistic programs for kids very near to my heart...even more so now when I see the pictures and read stories of these little girls: free spirits that flourished in such programs.
You are strong, even when you are writhing on the floor in pain. You are strong not because you never fall, but because you keep getting up. You are brave heroes, graceful, admired and loved immeasurably; you are wonderful people inside and out. These are truths the world is just now learning. Qualities the world is just now seeing. Maybe on your bad days you feel undeserving of the praise. But these are not new truths. You have always been all of these things. In the eyes of three precious little girls you were - you are - all of these things and more. Lily, Sarah and Grace are showing the world the character of the parents they love so deeply.
Much love to you both
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